Andromeda's Thoughts
by ZeeZe101
Summary: Andromeda Tonks reflects on her life, and realizes just how important certain people were.
1. Andromeda Thinks

**I know I've said before that angst gets me depressed. This is angst, but in a good way. Andromeda uses it as a way to move on with her life, and find motivation to keep going.**

**Disclaimer: JK Rowling is the genius. Do I look like a multi-billionaire with endless ideas? I didn't think so. **

_December 17, 1968_

_I'm just an empty shell now. A walking and talking zombie. It's all dark - there seems to be endless night, no light at the end of the tunnel, if there may be an end. I keep walking in darkness. but why? Why do I still keep going? Sometimes I wonder if there's anything left to live for. But there IS. It's out there, somewhere. It's cliche, I know, but it's the truth. Despite the fact I KNOW there is a reason for my existence, for my being here, it eats away at me from the inside. Little by little, I am crumbling apart internally. Eventually, it will destroy me. Not quickly like a toothpick tower would collapse if its support was yanked out. Slowly and painfully, it will kill me, little by little._

Andromeda's eyes watered once again as she reread her diary entry on what would have been Bella's 60th birthday. She remembered the day she wrote it clearer than anything. It was the day her family bonds were ripped, torn apart. It was the day her family truly became part of the Dark Side. The day Cissy declared her loyalty to her husband, Lucius, his ideals, values, and whatever he attempted in life. The day Lucius was branded with the Dark Mark. The day she lost Bella to the Dark Lord. The day she decided to run away from home.

Her life became much brighter after that. She met Ted, got married, had a beautiful daughter. She watched Dora grow up with a fiery, motherly passion. That was her drive, her motivation to live, she found out. For Ted's and Dora's sake. When Dora became an auror, Andromeda remembered sitting in her room, crying for days, worrying about what would become of her once she started fighting the Dark Lord, and what would happen if she ever had to face a Death Eater, alone, and worse: if that Death Eater was Bella.

Inside, Andromeda knew some part of her still loved Bella and Cissy. A small childhood connection that she couldn't let go of. As much as Bella had shown a desire for evil when she was still a girl, and Cissy showed a certain weakness and couldn't stand up by herself, Andromeda knew for certain that if something happened to her, Bella and Cissy would be there. Dora was lucky - she could fight Bella or Cissy with just a vengeance for justice. But if Andromeda had to face her sisters, she knew it would be disaster.

The day Dora and Remus were married was one of the happiest in Andromeda's life. She knew Dora would be happy and cared for, and there would be another person to watch after her. They day Teddy was born made Andromeda want to faint. She looked into Remus' and Dora's face and saw there the same expression she and Ted gave Dora. It was love. It was a powerful thing, more than the _Avada Kedavra_ spell could ever be. It was this scene that kept her going after she found out Ted was killed. Her grief almost took her over for the days after the announcement on Potterwatch. Andromeda was strong, tougher than many men could ever be. But she still crumbled, and when she did, Ted was there. And now, she was on her own. But she had to keep going. For Dora's and Remus' sake, and most of all, for Teddy's future.

The Battle of Hogwarts was the most devastating day of her life. Her daughter, her pride and joy, was killed. By her own sister. But Andromeda still could not bring herself to hate Bella. She knew she had the right to. Everyone did. But she couldn't. In a way, she was grateful to Molly for getting rid of one of society's greatest dangers, but part of her still wondered. What would Bella have done if she had survived? Could she feel remorse and become the person she was before, the one Andromeda knew and loved?

Andromeda wanted to collapse the second she saw Dora's body. It was resting next to her husband's, both faces looking serene and peaceful. It was surreal. Mothers weren't supposed to outlive their daughters, especially vivacious daughters with so much life and spirit in them like Dora is. _Was_. Andromeda couldn't bring herself to say it. She broke down on top of Dora's limp body, crying miserably. She lay there for minutes, hours, until a hand gently squeezed her shoulder. Andromeda thought it was Molly until she turned around and stared at a sad, pale face, creased with worry but still as beautiful and delicate as porcelain. _Cissy._ They stared for a long time, until Andromeda broke down again and threw herself into Narcissa's arms. The two sisters stood there, holding each other and crying. They walked over to where Bella was, a surprised expression still etched on her face. Cissy gently pulled the strands of midnight-black hair out of her unseeing eyes and Andromeda kissed her forehead. They watched as the sun set, and Bella's body was buried.

The years after Voldemort died brought an age of peace over the Wizarding Community, and into Andromeda's heart and mind. Andromeda watched as Teddy grew up, bright and cheerful just like his mom, but as wise and cautious as his dad. He grew up without his parents, but seemed to understand why they weren't there. He was understanding, and loved his grandma more than anything. Except maybe Victoire or Aunt Cissy. Narcissa and Andromeda reconciled, but nothing could fill the gap that their years apart had formed. Andromeda came to terms with the person Bella had become, and Bella never felt the same way about her as she did. But Andromeda couldn't help but hope that, deep inside, Bella still had a heart to the end even if she had forgotten how to use it.

**Awwwwww, poor Andromeda. I can't bring myself to hate Bella either, because I didn't know what she was like when she was younger. Maybe she would have turned out differently with different parents.**

**But what did you think? Reviews are the source of my happiness!**

**~ZeeZee**


	2. Beginning of the End of the Blacks

**Hey! Thanks for all the views, and the single, lone review... =D**

**Life's been busy, but I found some time to write this. Consider the first chapter a prologue to this. Andy is one year younger than Bella, and Narcissa is two years younger than Andy. Cygnus and Druella Black are the 3 sisters' parents. Orion and Walburga are parents to Sirius and Regulus. Just some background info so you know who's who.**

**Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns all this stuff... What I wouldn't give to be her...**

**Hope you enjoy! **

Andy stared at the chaos that was King's Cross. It was crazy. Carts, trunks, owls, people were EVERYWHERE! This was the kind of commotion Andy was unfamiliar with, as she stayed in the house all day. But what she wanted most of all was to go onto the train. But she couldn't, yet. It was Bella's year this year. She would be able to go in two years. Sometimes Andy was grateful she was the middle child. Bella was always more adventurous than her two sisters. Being able to enter Hogwarts with someone she already knew was always a plus. Andy waved at Bella, who was already in a compartment and chatting away. Bella managed a nod before turning back to the two people who would later become her husband and brother- in-law, Rodolphus and Rabastan Lestrange.

"Let's go, Andy," Druella murmured softly.

Andy consented, following her mom and Cissy back towards Cygnus, but unwilling to return home where all she had to look forward to now was her father's cold silence and the loneliness of her room without Bella's presence.

* * *

A soft knock rapped on the door. The visitor glimpsed at the sign that was hung there. "Andy and Bella's Room. Enter at your own risk."

A quiet voice replied, "Come in."

Narcissa pushed the door open, closing it gently behind her when she came in. "What's wrong Andy? Bella will be back for Christmas."

"I miss her already. Even her snoring and her demands to collect bugs for her so she could kill them," Andy sighed.

"It's okay, Andy. You should hurry and get dressed. Aunt Walburga and Uncle Orion will be here soon."

"Thanks, Cissy," Andy pulled herself out of bed and went to change. She loved having Aunt Walburga and Uncle Orion over because her parents would be distracted with "important matters" and she could talk to anyone freely, including the house elves, who she was usually forbidden from associating with.

Andy was sitting in front of the fireplace when Uncle Orion came in.

"Hello, Uncle Orion. How are you?" Andy greeted politely.

Orion nodded his head and allowed a quick smile to pass his face. Orion was not a man of many words; Walburga spoke enough for two people and then some. However, he was a thoughtful man, but sometimes let his wife dominate too much for Andy's liking. He was a good man in nature though, and cared about his family more than he let on.

Aunt Walburga's voice preceded her presence. "GOOD TO SEE YOU, DRUELLA. AND HOW ARE YOU, BROTHER? AND MY, NARCISSA, YOU LOOK LIKE A FINE LITTLE LADY. WHERE IS ANDROMEDA?"

Andy stood up as Uncle Orion flashed her an apologetic look. "How are you, Aunt Walburga?"

Walburga patted Andy on the head like a dog and said so loudly that Andy flinched, "YOU ARE QUITE A BEAUTIFUL LADY NOW, AREN'T YOU? REMEMBER DEAR, NEVER GO ANYWHERE WITHOUT YOUR FATHER. DON'T WANT UGLY MEN TAKING ADVANTAGE OF YOU NOW."

She chuckled at her humorless joke and sat, or rather dumped herself, on the couch. "You and Narcissa run along now, we have some important matters to discuss."

Andy had grabbed Cissy's cold, pale hand, hurried down the hallway, and was half-way up the stairs when Uncle Orion said quietly, but still audible to the two sisters, "Walburga dear, did you forget to tell them something?"

Walburga squealed. Andy stopped midstep in shock. Aunt Walburga NEVER squealed, or even giggled for that matter. She listened intently.

"YES, I FORGOT. THE BLACK FAMILY IS GOING TO HAVE AN HEIR! I AM PREGNANT WITH A BABY BOY!" Walburga shouted.

Druella smiled sincerely and Cygnus smiled coldly, but both meant well. Druella loved children, ever since she was small and lived in the Rosier mansion, and Cygnus was grateful that a man would take over the Black legacy, no matter how much his daughters were important to him.

* * *

In another mansion, much brighter and more welcoming than Cygnus' home, another family was celebrating also. Kaitlin and David Potter were going to have a baby boy also.

It wasn't until much later Andromeda learned that the two boys, two more boys, one soon to be born to the Lupins and the other to the Pettigrews, and the red-haired baby soon to be born to the Evans' family would change the face of the planet forever.

**Hope you liked it!**

**Reviews are love...**

**Is that hint enough?**


	3. Final Christmas of Ignorance

**I'm back! For good, for bad, for worse, for better...ehhh...that's so corny. Whatever! XD**

**DISCLAIMER: As much as I wish, I do not own Harry Potter. If I were JK Rowling, I wouldn't be on FF and I wouldn't have killed off Remus, Tonks, and Fred. Oh well...**

**Read your heart and soul out!**

Andy hated parties. Andy hated all the balls that her parents held in their mansion. Andy hated people coming and complimenting her like she was a new piece of furniture. But she couldn't do anything about. She had to keep her mouth shut and act polite around everyone. To Cissy, grace came naturally, and Bella's looks and her smarts helped worm her out of situations she dug herself into. But she, Andy? She had to struggle to keep up her appearance, when inside all she wanted to do was destroy the party and run to her bedroom.

When the Christmas Ball came around, Andy hid behind Bella, who came home for the holidays. Bella had just engaged in a conversation about the new Ministry Decree on magical blood rights. She was about to go get a butterbeer when someone tapped her on the shoulder.

"Ulprus Flint. You are Andromeda Black?" a short, round-faced, menacing looking boy introduced himself.

"Yes. Pleased to meet you," Andy crossed her fingers behind her back, hoping he wouldn't see she was lying.

"You have beautiful eyes," Flint crooned.

Andy rolled her "beautiful eyes," which were a plain, piercing brown. She couldn't believe the nerve of this guy. He must have been at least 17, and she knew she didn't look mature for 10, not like Bella. She just nodded.

At that moment, Cygnus appeared behind Andy. Never in her life had she been so happy to see her father.

"Mister Flint," Cygnus addressed the boy coldly.

Bowing deeply, Flint greeeted, "It is an honor to meet you, Master Black. I was just noting how radiant your daughter is today."

Cygnus' face showed emotion for the first time as he turned to Andy and gave her an incredulous look, almost smiling. "Thank you."

Flint bowed again, and left, an unsatisfied look on his face.

Cygnus pushed Andy away with a gentle shove. "Remember what Aunt Walburga said. You must be careful. Now, I must go find Master Flint."

Andy took her father's words as "I must go tell Flint's father what a piece of scum his son is."

"Yes, Father," she bowed slightly, and her father's face twisted into a small, barely visible smile.

Andy left and went to find Cissy, feeling truly happy.

* * *

Andy woke up with Bella blowing into her ear. "IT'S CHRISTMAS DAY!"

She groggily sat up, rolling her eyes, but feeling nostalgic with the familiar wake-up call that she hadn't heard since Bella left for Hogwarts.

Bella left the room, probably to wake up Cissy. Andy slowly got out of bed, savoring the thought that it was Christmas.

The three sisters linked arms as they walked down the stairs, to where the Christmas tree was covered with presents.

Wrapping paper was scattered all over the floor after they had gone through every single girft their family had got them. Or rather, what the house-elves had bought them, using their parents' money. But Andy still thanked her parents, graciously. Her mom had hugged her, briefly but lovingly, and her dad offered a half-smile.

Bella was already skimming through an ominous-looking book, not caring about who had gotten her what. Cissy stared at her new porcelain dolls happily.

How Andy wished life could have stayed like that. But it wasn't possible.


End file.
